Writing it down

I am confrontational. I will tell you what I am feeling and how you caused it. This attitude is usually superficial though. I will confront my boss and coworkers and people I barely know, but when it comes to my closest friends I find it difficult to tell them how I feel and why I am upset. This past week was exceptionally rough for me. I received some news about my health that was not positive, had some issues with a friend, and issues with another. While old Imah would have just blurted out everything I felt and lived with the consequences, I realized I could not do that in these situations. I have gotten to the point where I do not want to hurt people as much as I want to express my own hurt. In a lot of ways, I never learned how to express my pain without coming off as if I was attacking.

That is why yesterday, amongst my frustration and anger, I decided to write down what was angering me in letter form. Now once long ago I decided to write a letter to this boy who I liked (who I thought lied to me or was playing with my emotions when in reality his friend was lying to me). The letter was crazy! Bananas! I read it to my friends and they were like... ummm don't send that! But it was so easy to just say what I felt and breath. So many times we just want to let go but make sure we have said everything we wanted to say. So I wrote. And I wrote. And I let it out. Then I had the conversations that I needed to have with those people.

It is crazy how the anger will stay on the paper and let you voice your opinions calmly and rationally. I started to feel so much better. Clearing the air is better than letting something fester, but you have to do it for the right reasons and not attack people. It is critical. I hope I am on the right track towards my own self growth.