Know What You Want

At the beginning of August I went through a horrible break up. My coworker and now really good friend and I would exchange advice seeing as she was going through a breakup herself. We exchanged biblical verses, warnings, guidance, and were a clear conscience. When I decided to meet up with my ex she gave me a sage piece of advice. She told me to know what I want from the situation before I entered. This way, I know what I would and would not allow and would have boundaries. I soon realized (after not having a plan) that going into a situation blind will just confuse you and allow your feelings and emotions to make choices for you because you lack perspective and clarity that you had outside of the situation.

I mean how many times do we meet with someone; an ex-boyfriend, an ex-best friend, an ex- someone without setting any sort of expectation about what we want from the situation. So many times we meet with someone with no clear goal in mind. We feel inclined to meet with them, but have no idea how we would handle certain questions being asked of us or inconspicuous touches we do not know how to read clearly. However, let me be clear. I believe whenever we meet with someone from our past, we do know what we want them to say, especially if it is someone who has hurt us deeply either with words or actions. We want an apology. We want them to tell us they were wrong in leaving us, and how badly they want us back.

Navigating these situations is the real problem because we know these people are potentially bad for us. We know that the best friend who just stopped answering our phones calls is never going to regain that position. We know that an ex-boyfriend who hurt us is really not the one. That is why understanding and knowing what you will say when they make you weak is essential to remaining healthy and on track.

Following this advice will also allow us to decipher why we are actually meeting with people whose time in our lives has passed. I am a true believer in the saying, “People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. It is really that simple. Some people have no real reason to be in our lives anymore. In fact keeping them in your life is just blocking the way for the new people you have yet to meet.

Furthermore, knowing what we want from a situation keeps us accountable to ourselves. We place our own limits and boundaries, meaning we are the only ones to blame when we end up hurt or in a precarious position (no pun intended). Yesterday, I met with someone I have not spoken to in almost a year. He had been contacting me a lot recently and I thought I knew what I wanted from the situation. Really, I had no idea what outcome would have made me happiest. In the end, I realized following what my heart was telling me to do was best for me. My heart was telling me that engaging this person was not helping me move towards my future and towards the people I am supposed to meet, but rather keeping me in the past. Let’s stop the charades and know before we end up in a worst situation than before.