The End of a Chapter

When I was younger my dream was to move to Chicago. I told myself that I would go to the University of Chicago or Northwestern for undergrad and then switch for law school. When I was accepted to the place where fun goes to die, I happily accepted. Needless to say, Chicago has been my home for the past six years. I went to college there and then I worked at a southside charter school. I have lived and been all over the city. To me, Chicago was the place where I became an adult. It allowed me to grow and mature in ways Texas never could. I learned how to take the train, go to clubs, live by myself, and learn independent of parents and 1500 miles away from their household. But at the end of June, I found myself saying goodbye to Chicago. I left in the best way possible. I left not wanting to leave. Even though deep down I knew it was my time to leave the Windy City, I wanted to stay one last summer for one last hurrah. I will miss Chicago and the people who were my family for six years but I know my next journey is necessary.

California Dreams

At the beginning of March I went to visit my best friend Chelsea in Los Angeles. Before I arrived, I had imagined LA to be a sort of West Coast Miami filled with superficiality and snobbery. I was pleasantly surprised. I loved LA. It was amazing!!! I could actually see myself living there. It's warm, it's beautiful, and it has a more laidback vibe than I thought. My friend Chelsea is out there holding it down, but I might have to join her to defrost after I finish grad school in Michigan. Here are some pics from my trip! 

 It's Britney, Bitch! 

 Steven Spielberg and George Lucas being uber nerds!

The Low Place

For the past month or so, I have been in a low place. The problem is, I have no idea why. Or the ideas I do have as to why I am in such a place of despair are superficial. Thus, I now spend my time psychoanalyzing myself and my issues. And the vicious cycle continues. However, I am trying to get out of it. I want to be in my happy place. Great things are happening to and for me. I got into a great graduate school with a full ride (read: debt free), I have amazing friends, I am sending young black men all over the world and to college through my job, and I am doing some amazing things in free time including traveling and visiting family. Yet, I still feel...blah.
Part of my issue is that I do not think I am happy with myself yet. I know it seems cliche, but being an overweight woman is difficult. I do not think I am ugly and my self-esteem is not low t, but I am conscious of the ways guys ook at my friends and not me. I am conscious of the way clothing stores do not make clothes that fit me. I am conscious that all the women I work with and the majority of my friends are small and tiny and everybody drifts to them. And deep down I am jealous of them. I am envious of them and their lives even though I know that their lives are not perfect. But my weight is something that really bothers me. Overtime it has become a burden that I can not hide and is obvious to me every time I go shopping with friends or look into the mirror. I sometimes wonder if I was to lose all of this weight, would I be happy? I think I may have a different set of issues, but I think I would be, if only I could get there. You may ask, why aren't you there yet? What are you doing to change your life? I am working on it little by little. I understand it is a process, but I hope to set this as a real goal for self discovery and reflection. I joined weight watchers and have started taking boxing classes. I hope before I leave to costa rica in July to be down 15-20 pounds. At least this is something I have a solution to.
My other issue is that not having someone is really starting to drag me down. To be honest, I have been single in my life more than I have been in a relationship. I am not sure if I am just not a relationship person. My weight may play into who is interested in me. I just have not been able to hold a relationship together for longer than a couple of months. However, my relationships are really intense and take emotional tolls on me and I think the lack of interest I have had in the men I see and vice versa coupled with my good friends being in monogamous relationships and getting engaged has begun to take a toll on me and my self esteem. I find myself jealous of my friends who are with someone. Here is the crazy part though. When I am in a relationship, I am in it. My reality becomes focused on keeping the two of us together whether that means sacrificing my own future or just living in crazyland. Which may make it a good thing that I am not with someone. My costa rica trip will cut me off from technology for 30 days (communication is key to relationships I hear) and I am moving from Chicago to Dallas to Michigan in August for grad school. How do I expect to build a healthy and strong relationship with someone when I am in this place of transition?
I think I have to remember why only caring about me is positive at this point in my life. I am 23 years old. I want to travel the world and be able to chart my own course without having to think about how that would affect somebody else. When I talk to my friends who are moving across the country to be with their man or will refuse to take jobs in the future unless their husband can come with them, I just find that to be scary. In the end, I just miss the feelings of being in a relationship. I miss someone texting me good morning when I wake up (even though my mom does this). I miss always having a +1 to new restaurants and events. I miss the butterflies you get on your first date and how happy your life can seem. I really miss those things.
Yesterday, my friend told me that maybe I should date myself. Which I laughed at, and said I already do, but do I really? How do I love myself? How do I show myself that I want to be with me. I know it doesn't seem like it, but my frustrations are connected. I feel like other people are skinny so they get boyfriends and I am not so I will be another single black woman. But I know better. I know so much better than that. I know that if you feel beautiful on the inside and if there is positivity in your heart, then you will attract that. I think I am so caught up in being sad, helpless, fat, and jealous, that you can read it on my face. I think I need to pull myself out of these doldrums and find what makes me happy. I also think that as I work on making myself happier and whole, someone will come to me. I know this sounds like duh, but reminding yourself and living this out is a completely different situation that is difficult to carry out. I just have to remember, that just because it is low now, does not mean it will be low in the future. Everything is temporary.

My Week in Pictures

This past week (actually month) has been super busy! I went on Spring Break to Orlando and Daytona Beach with my mom, went to Spring Preview Day at the University of Michigan where I will be getting my MPP and hopefully M.Ed., my friend Ada came to town, and work has been hectic and crazy. Here is what it looks like in pictures. 

My friend Kelli and I at Signing Day. My team and I got 100% of our seniors to college (re:black boys going on to bigger and better things... love it!)

Marrissa and I went to SawTooth. It was an interesting experience. So interesting I could not take a focused picture... whoops

Ada and I went to Luxbar. We were going to continue on to Nactional 27 but instead went home and ate brownies and watched Grey's. Sometimes that is the best thing to do on a Saturday night. 

Sculpture on the UMich Diag

                                             This lets me know I am going to the right place.

 Picture of the beach from our window at Daytona Beach 

 Hotsauce wall at Heaven on Seven 

 Art cave -Ann Arbor 

 My future residence 

View of the beach and hotel pool 

Food for Thought

* Memories last a lifetime

Show I LOVE: Cashmere Mafia

Back in 2007 ABC had a wonderful idea to premiere a show that cast light on the difficulty of being a woman, a CEO, and a fashionista. I randomly found it when I was in college and I think this show convinced me that I should go to business school and rule the world. While I am still on the journey to understanding what this means, I spent a weekend re-watching all the shows. While I remembered each and every one, they meant something different to me this time around.

As a young woman trying to navigate the work world and find my footing, watching the triumphs and obstacles these women face gives me insight that I can not get anywhere else. The show was released during the Writers Strike and I do not think people were ready for what these women were bringing. It was not a show about women drowning in their insecurities, dying to fall in love with the perfect man, and swarmed with their issues. These women were smart, successful, struggling with relationships but understood they were not defined by them, and fabulous. Personally, ABC made a mistake in canceling the show.

Here is a list of things I have learned from watching Cashmere Mafia (I pray they will bring it back!)

1. Dictate your own reality and future.

In one of the episodes, Juliet discovers her husband is not only having an affair, but has lost the majority of their money and is using her as a front for his hedge fund. Instead of getting angry, she calls for their divorce. When he tries to do some other nonsense, she has his car repossessed. While these are extreme situations, Juliet never loses her cool. She decides what is going to happen to her and how much she is going to take. As women, we forget our power and our ability to harness it.

2. Always have a group you can lean on.

These four women met in business school and became the outstanding the women they are now because they supported one another. The work world is tough and people usually have ulterior motives. You need to surround yourself with the best people possible outside of work in order to guarantee your success.

3. Understand the implications of winning and losing

In the first episode, Mia is promoted to over her fiance. He leaves her. While I am in no way condoning his behavior, sometimes we assume everyone will be happy with our success. This is not always true and some people might feel alienated. We should always be striving to be our best, but understand what will happen to certain relationships and situations. So many times we act surprised. One of my mentors told me to always rehearse the worst scenario. Sometimes winning can be the worst scenario, and that is okay. We just need to be cognizant of it. Then keep it moving!

4. Know what you value

The work world has a way of forcing us to compromise our integrity. We make decisions that we know are wrong or would otherwise avoid. I once met the Assistant Superintendent of Boston Public Schools and she told me to know what I value before I take one more step. Knowing what you value keeps you inline with your own personal mission. At the end of the day you have to live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror.

5. Dress fabulously

Dressing well is essential. Not just because of the numerous articles that say women who wear make-up/are more attractive get paid more, but because of how dressing your best makes you feel. Have you ever gotten dressed haphazardly and walked out the door and felt downtrodden? You just felt wrong and this wrongness oozed out of your pores. Everybody sensed it. I believe dressing well impacts how you feel about yourself but is also a reflection of sense. If you love yourself and are confident, then you would dress yourself as such.

Hopefully, you have a netflix account and will watch the seven Cashmere Mafia episodes on netflix. It will be well worth your $7.99.

Theta Family

My sorority is composed of families. When I was first initiated, I joined the Hot Pink and Black Family. There were two of us, my mom and I (we call them mom/daughters). My mom graduated my first year and I was alone. That is until I began my family the next year. Now, 5 years later, I have great great grandchildren. We are missing four or five people from this picture, but I could not be any more proud!

Also, congratulations to Kappa Alpha Theta for raising over $15,000 with our annual fundraiser, Mr. University! All money goes to Court Appointed Special Advocates, our philanthropy! Way to go ladies!

Blah

Lately I have been feeling a bit blah. Blah and stuck. My life is great. I have great friends and I have a great future ahead of me. However, I am in this place of uncertainty that I feel might drive me crazy pretty soon. I am waiting to hear back from the graduate schools I applied to in January. My friends who have applied to other programs have already started to hear from theirs so I have been receiving a swarm of emails every day about their acceptances. I am beyond ecstatic for them, but it is difficult to know that my future hangs in the balance. Where I go to graduate and for what have serious future implications. A friend of mine from college told me that when she was trying to decide about business school she realized that every decision you make that these times in your life change your entire trajectory. That is nerve wrecking.

However, this is not the only uncertainty I have right now. I am waiting to hear back from a variety of people for my job which just leaves me here waiting and twiddling my thumbs until I am able to hear back from them. I have discovered some new blogs in this process thelondoner.com (Thanks Alexis!) and girlwithcurves. Needless to say my life feels sad in retrospect. Sad is actually the wrong word. Uneventful is better.

I am hoping that this trip to L.A. this weekend will give me the boost I need to realize how wonderful my life is despite the current situation. Yes, waiting to know what the future holds is horrible and can bring about some levels of anxiety, but there is something comforting about not knowing. There is something awesome about an unknown future. It makes me feel like I am not stuck and that I am constantly changing and developing. Maybe instead of sitting here and wondering about these topics I should make the changes and plans in my life that I claim I never have time to make. In the next month my life will change forever. I should be relishing in the calmness so then I can celebrate change.

Here is to celebrating the future!

*ignore the chipped nail polish

Writing it down

I am confrontational. I will tell you what I am feeling and how you caused it. This attitude is usually superficial though. I will confront my boss and coworkers and people I barely know, but when it comes to my closest friends I find it difficult to tell them how I feel and why I am upset. This past week was exceptionally rough for me. I received some news about my health that was not positive, had some issues with a friend, and issues with another. While old Imah would have just blurted out everything I felt and lived with the consequences, I realized I could not do that in these situations. I have gotten to the point where I do not want to hurt people as much as I want to express my own hurt. In a lot of ways, I never learned how to express my pain without coming off as if I was attacking.

That is why yesterday, amongst my frustration and anger, I decided to write down what was angering me in letter form. Now once long ago I decided to write a letter to this boy who I liked (who I thought lied to me or was playing with my emotions when in reality his friend was lying to me). The letter was crazy! Bananas! I read it to my friends and they were like... ummm don't send that! But it was so easy to just say what I felt and breath. So many times we just want to let go but make sure we have said everything we wanted to say. So I wrote. And I wrote. And I let it out. Then I had the conversations that I needed to have with those people.

It is crazy how the anger will stay on the paper and let you voice your opinions calmly and rationally. I started to feel so much better. Clearing the air is better than letting something fester, but you have to do it for the right reasons and not attack people. It is critical. I hope I am on the right track towards my own self growth.

Sweet Nothings

* Chocolate covered oreos from the Sugar Factory in Las Vegas. I could not resist!

D-Town Swag

This past weekend I went home to visit mi familia. Even though I sometimes hated being at home when I was younger, I now appreciate and savor every opportunity I have to be with my family. I am extremely close to my mom and spending those precious moments with her really make me happy! Not to mention she is my partner in crime and we spend most of our time eating and shopping!

Me with the Cat in the Hat!

Suzie Q! This store used to sell a lot more jewelry, but now specializes in beads. I love the colors.

My friend Natasha and I at a Dallas Mavericks game (my first one!). We were victorious!

My first time at the Dallas Cowboys Stadium!

Mi mamasita y yo trying to avoid the sun and wind (did not work)

Above the Clouds

"The sun always shines above the clouds"

*Flight from Dallas to Chicago

Updates and Redefining Goals

My trip to Vegas was very enlightening. I started to rethink my vision board goals and work towards some of them and think about life in general. More importantly, I began to rethink my relationships with people and with myself. I decided to be positive when I felt like being negative and to be a nicer person. Even though I had been tested and my own sharp wit was constantly challenged, I am proud of my progress. I have also been enjoying working out and my overall alone time. It is amazing. The relationships I am building with my students have also been affected and I feel like we are connecting more and I am just more productive and happier at work. Can I also talk about how I have tried to change my eating habits and have rejected chocolate covered oreos and eating out more often than not. I have also started going to a Step class. I am just feeling better about myself and my life and who I am becoming.

I know I am not done.

There is still a lot to go in my development. In theory we are constantly developing and growing so this is not necessarily unusual. I have decided in an attempt to be more accountable to share my new directions and goals on this blog. I also think going by month or every couple of weeks is a short enough time to know that you can feel real changes and form real habits.

1. My budget.

I was just speaking to a friend of mine about how men who do not have their money together worry me and I would prefer not to date them. Pot. Kettle. Black. I am horrible at my budget and not living paycheck to paycheck. I live beyond my means. There is really no way around admitting that, but I do want to take strides in stopping this behavior. I am going on several trips in the next couple of months and need to save rather than spend.

2. Health

So I have been working out about three times a week and eating healthier. I do not eat out as much and I am trying to not eat poorly by myself (container of oreos anyone?) This is definitely a work in progress. However, I did just quit my gym which means I need a new way to work out. I do not want to sign up for another membership so I am hoping that I can 1) start taking more walks 2) buy a one of yoga groupon 3) find other ways to work out :/

I am taking a trip to Florida and Costa Rica in the next five months and want to look great for both!

3. Finding my passion

I love to read, dance, and back desserts (licking the spoons and tasting to make sure something is "cooked"). My goal is to pursue these things. I have a living social deal for Bachata classes. I also need to find a book club or start one of my own. I also enjoy hosting people at my apartment so finding my avenues for that would be wonderful. Did I mention I have completely disconnected from the news? I need to develop my interests and pursue different interests. I read a book, "Work It Girl" that speaks to finding your passions and pursuing them.

4. Continue to work on building and strengthening relationships. I have noticed a difference in the way I feel and the way people treat me since I have become "nicer". I am going to continue pursuing this.

All in all, I am a work in progress. We all are and that is okay.

Weekend Movie???? THIS MEANS WAR

My friend and I attended a sneak preview for This Means War on Tuesday. I had been seeing advertisements for it and new it would be cute, but it was not quite what I expected. It was not that deep, but it is definitely a movie I recommend to those who want to see something lighthearted and fun. Reese Witherspoon's shoes are also amazing and the two guys are extremely attractive. Let me know what you think after you go see it!

Check out the trailer http://www.thismeanswarmovie.com/

Know What You Want

At the beginning of August I went through a horrible break up. My coworker and now really good friend and I would exchange advice seeing as she was going through a breakup herself. We exchanged biblical verses, warnings, guidance, and were a clear conscience. When I decided to meet up with my ex she gave me a sage piece of advice. She told me to know what I want from the situation before I entered. This way, I know what I would and would not allow and would have boundaries. I soon realized (after not having a plan) that going into a situation blind will just confuse you and allow your feelings and emotions to make choices for you because you lack perspective and clarity that you had outside of the situation.

I mean how many times do we meet with someone; an ex-boyfriend, an ex-best friend, an ex- someone without setting any sort of expectation about what we want from the situation. So many times we meet with someone with no clear goal in mind. We feel inclined to meet with them, but have no idea how we would handle certain questions being asked of us or inconspicuous touches we do not know how to read clearly. However, let me be clear. I believe whenever we meet with someone from our past, we do know what we want them to say, especially if it is someone who has hurt us deeply either with words or actions. We want an apology. We want them to tell us they were wrong in leaving us, and how badly they want us back.

Navigating these situations is the real problem because we know these people are potentially bad for us. We know that the best friend who just stopped answering our phones calls is never going to regain that position. We know that an ex-boyfriend who hurt us is really not the one. That is why understanding and knowing what you will say when they make you weak is essential to remaining healthy and on track.

Following this advice will also allow us to decipher why we are actually meeting with people whose time in our lives has passed. I am a true believer in the saying, “People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. It is really that simple. Some people have no real reason to be in our lives anymore. In fact keeping them in your life is just blocking the way for the new people you have yet to meet.

Furthermore, knowing what we want from a situation keeps us accountable to ourselves. We place our own limits and boundaries, meaning we are the only ones to blame when we end up hurt or in a precarious position (no pun intended). Yesterday, I met with someone I have not spoken to in almost a year. He had been contacting me a lot recently and I thought I knew what I wanted from the situation. Really, I had no idea what outcome would have made me happiest. In the end, I realized following what my heart was telling me to do was best for me. My heart was telling me that engaging this person was not helping me move towards my future and towards the people I am supposed to meet, but rather keeping me in the past. Let’s stop the charades and know before we end up in a worst situation than before.

And When He Gets On He Will Leave Your Ass for a White Girl

I have noticed a growing trend among black men.

They all seem to be with white women.

Let me preface, this post might be a little pot calling the kettle black. I am an equal opportunity employer. For the longest time I refused to date black men. So it comes as a surprise that I am disturbed by the fact that black men seem to be obsessed with white women. Let me explain.

I took a trip a couple of weeks ago to Las Vegas. I was with some beautiful black women. Yet, very rarely did a black man come speak to any of my friends or me. When they did speak to us it was more like leering and usually it was after every white woman in the club turned them down. However, white men spoke to us a plenty. Interesting,verdad?

Last weekend at the Wale concert, I saw numerous black men/ white women interracial couples leaving the bars together. That did not bother me as much as seeing the only woman to be pulled on stage was a white woman. My thought, “Really Wale? Even after the article in which you say how much you uphold black women?"

Not to mention Taye Diggs loving Addison Montgomery on Private Practice. Idris Elba saying he never wants to date a black woman. It just seems like this constant barrage of black men constantly saying how they do not want to be with a black woman.

It hurts. It affects me. However, I do not suffer from low self-esteem (most days). Black men do ask me out on dates. I do feel I will get married (and it does not have to be to a black man). However, seeing what seems like every dateable black man dating a white woman is disturbing and saddening to me. Please understand this is coming from someone that does not even feel any sort of loyalty to black men and in fact would likely date a white man over a black man any day. I prefer it actually. Not to mention my parents are from two different races, so this is really nothing unusual. So what is my problem? Why am I so messed up by this?

Well, I think several things are happening.

My last serious boyfriend only dated white women before we started seeing one another and upon breaking up with me would throw it in my face. By that I mean he would say how his white girlfriends were much nicer to him, boosted his ego, and that he felt more attracted to them. Ouch! I think this is where my disdain and judgment for white women and interracial relationships began. Before dating him, the idea of going out with a black man was not on my radar. He was the first man I loved and he was African American. Not Nigerian. Not mixed. Not blue. Not purple. Black. And the way he viewed all black women had some serious effects on the way I thought about myself, especially considering he had some issues with them regarding abandonment, emasculation, and not aiding in his development. At least compared to the white women who saved him from himself. Mind you, his aunt raised him and his two best friends are black women? See the beginning of my framework?

Furthermore, I work in an all African American boys high school where the staff is comprised predominately of African American men and white women (I know you can see where this is going). It is interesting because I have some students who put down black women constantly saying they will only be with a white woman when they grow up. I think being in this atmosphere has not only made me see race more, but it has also affected the way I see my relationships and myself.

Reconciling my issues on this subject is beyond me. I think it is something I need to get over but being alone and trying to navigate the whole dating world is part of my problem. I feel my own look past me. The white men I meet or see on the street look like they only want white women. However, maybe this entire issue is actually just an issue I have with my own self-confidence. The more I see people not wanting women who look like me (is this even true?), the more I feel I do not want myself. Furthermore, the constantly bombardment of seeing famous black men only wanting to be with white women has gotten to me and I need to remind myself that I live in the real world.

Do you have any advice on what I can do to get past this issue? Fellow black women, how do you remind yourself that you loving yourself is more important than anyone else wanting you?

Please believe there will be more where this comes from.

Lotus Flower Bomb

When I first heard of Wale I was underwhelmed. My friend Abby was listening to him all the time during undergrad, but I was too concerned with Lupe to understand. Finally, after listening to a Wale Pandora station, I fell in love his music. This past Friday I went to his concert at the Cubby Bear.

New Obsession: Thought Catalog

A coworker of mine suggested I start reading Thought Catalog, a collection of essays and short pieces written by anyone who feels like contributing. I found this lovely piece of prose that really made me think about my decisions to stay in relationships even after I felt that "chill". Read and let me know what you think!

I’m Not Going To Love You Forever (Just FYI)

Honey, I have to tell you something. Can you turn the music down? It’s serious. Okay, now sit down. Are you ready? Okay.

I’m going to hate you one day. I’m going to despise every fiber of your being. I’ll wince when you touch me in the foyer after a long day at work. I’ll lose desire for your penis, your arms, your teeth, your earlobes. I’m going to stop believing everything you tell me. I’m going to draw the blinds, take a nap, and never wake up again. And there is nothing you can do about it. Not a damn thing.

Please don’t cry. It’s not today! I don’t hate you yet. In fact, I still love you. I don’t wince in the foyer at your touch, not even a little bit, and I’m still very much enamored with your genitalia. But it was the funniest thing really. The other day, when we were lying in bed, I felt a cold chill rush through my body and that’s when I knew this wasn’t forever with a capital F. I felt this cold chill in my last relationship. It’s my body’s way of telling my heart to bulk up because heartbreak is on its way.

I think it’s going to be your fault though. Your actions will be the reason why I’ll eventually hate you. I know that you’re a cold man. It didn’t seem like it when we first met but the more I look around inside of you, I realize just how chilly you are. It’s a quiet emotional distance, hard to pinpoint, which makes it all the more difficult to fix. It’s the way you turn away from me in bed five minutes too early, or fail to notice when I’m upset with you. I don’t think you understand people. Or maybe you understand them all too well and don’t care to know more.

You’re still crying but I almost feel like they’re crocodile tears. You don’t know what to do with me when I’m here. You only know what to do when I’m gone. If you could spoon on a long-distance phone call, you wouldn’t turn away from me five minutes early. You’re more comfortable loving me at a distance, when I’m contained, but you seem flustered when I try to give myself all of you.

Oh, what a terrible thing this all is! I shouldn’t have told you. I acknowledge that was a little screwed up of me, but then again, I’m screwed up! After all, I picked you, didn’t I? Granted, you’re better than the last one. You’re not openly terrible but the similarities are unavoidable. I picked the wrong person to love again. I continued the cycle. I still feel comfortable loving people more than they love me back. Fabulous! The good news is, I guess, that I’ll get over you and move on.

When I hate you, you’re going to finally love me. That’s how these things usually work, right? I pull away after getting no response, which makes you attentive all of a sudden. Well, guess what? No thanks. When I hate you, you’re not allowed to touch me or want me or talk to me. You have an all-access pass to me now and you don’t even use it, so I’m revoking your membership. Bye-bye.

I’ll enjoy hating you. When I do, it will mean that I love myself a little bit more. So just let me do that. Let me love myself.

Phew. I feel so much better telling you this. Wanna do Thai for dinner?

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/im-not-going-to-love-you-forever/

Building Positivity

I believe that our resolutions move and grow with us throughout the year. They are not necessarily moving targets, but rather indications of our growth and accomplishments. After an insightful conversation with my best friend I have come to the conclusion that I need to change the way I deal with the people in my life: friends, coworkers, family, acquaintances. I need to watch the words I use with people and be more cognizant of the connotations of what I say. So many times I have neglected the affect of my words. I hope what I am saying is more constructive than critical, but really it all sounds sort of mean. Last week I told my boss something that I am now ashamed of and my best friend something very hurtful. While I believe I had the best intentions, it became clear to me that constantly saying whatever I feel is not the best way to maintain relationships.

Part of my problem is that people have come to expect this blunt, in-your-face demeanor from me. Whenever I visit my friends they usually warn their friends that Imah will say whatever is on her mind. Or Imah, well she is just really honest and has a strong personality. While I do believe these qualities can be valued in the work place and even there I question if my approach is optimal, in my day-to-day interactions it is more important that I become the kind of friend I want to be friends with. This is difficult, but necessary for my future endeavors and the kind of person I want to become. I want to change this negative perception of me and I want to start strengthening relationships and building new strong ones.

Esosa told me I need to learn how to humble myself. This is the first step. So many times in life we want to be right. We want to be in power. We want to be respected. And so many times we maintain the status quo by putting others down and building ourselves up. But what is the point of that? This past week I have tried to be a more positive presence in the lives of the people around me. I apologized to my boss and told him how I felt, but not using wordage that sounds like I am attacking him (because I wasn’t). I apologized to a friend of mine that I hurt and told her my perspective. I began to sit and speak with students that I have cast off to the side but now realize how much we have in common and how they add to my day. I realize that being negative is only making me a toxic force when in reality I have so much potential to be positive.

Furthermore, I have discovered that having a positive attitude will have a tremendous affect on your life and outlook. When someone asks me how I am doing I am used to saying, “Ok!”, but really I feel great. I read that if you want to get over a cold instead of saying “I’m sick” saying “I am getting over something”. I am really trying to rework my approach and outlook. I am trying to be more purposeful. More importantly, I am trying to live a better life. 2011 was great, but I plan on so much happening in 2012 it is bound to be a year of growth and discovery. I need to stop letting the negative feelings I have towards myself define the relationships I have with others. Instead, I need to change what I need to change or let go of those negative feelings, and be positive.

Resolutions are can be very powerful milestones and markers for us. I am refocusing mine and thinking about how I can be the best person possible to live the best life possible.

Book Club: What I Wish I Knew When I was 20- Tina Seelig

My best friend brought me this book to read over the weekend. After having some really insightful and in-depth talks with her I realized that I need to definitely make some changes when it comes to my people skills and how I approach my life. This book really opened my eyes to how I should think about problems that come up in the work place and my life. This is not just for 20-somethings but anyone who has ever experienced a low point or needs a new perspective on life. I found myself thinking about common problems I have faced recently when it comes to becoming more efficient and serious about life. Check out the following quotes!

" The world is divided into people who wait and those who just do it"

"People are not just lucky, they work hard too"

"Craft the story now, how you would want to tell it later"

"Take responsibility for your actions and be willing to learn from your experiences"

"Learn how to negotiate"

These are just a few snippets, but the whole book was a worthwhile read. I hope to integrate some of these ideas into my everyday practice and work. What books have changed the way you thought about your life?

Sin City

In my quest to explore and travel more I went to Las Vegas with my best friend Esosa and a couple of her friends from San Francisco. At first I felt I was dealt the short end of the stick because they only had to travel an hour and I had to travel four (did I mention I dislike flying?), but in the end this trip was exactly what I needed. It was my first time in Vegas and in the weeks leading up to my trip I thought it was going to be tacky (topless bars and casinos). I could not have been more wrong. Vegas is super sophisticated and has something for everyone (except little kids, I have no idea why kids are there). I definitely used this trip as a way to plan for my future visits. Anyway, I stayed at Ballys, went to Lavo at the Palazzo(saw J.Cole), Vanity at the Hard Rock, and Drais. It was relaxing, fun, and I already miss it. Hopefully I will have another opportunity to go within in the next year (Birthday or Bachelorette Party anyone?). My future plans are to go see Cirque de Soleil, Penn and Teller, eat at some of the better restaurants, go to the pool parties, stay at the Cosmopolitan (see last post), and play the slots a lot more (maybe the tables). What do you like to do in Vegas? Any suggestions?

(My best friend and me! Girls Night out at Lavo!)

(View of the strip from hotel window)

(Ocean's Eleven Fountain outside of our hotel window)

(The Eiffel Tower was right outside of our window!)

(J.Cole at Lavo. I snapped about 50 shots of him!)